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Harry pulled open the front door to DD’s and stepped inside. The jingling of the bells above the door announced the arrival of a new customer — or, in this case, they announced Harry.

DD’s was Tee Tee’s diner, located directly below the room Harry rented upstairs. Tee Tee had named DD’s after her own assets — a fact she did not hide. In truth, no amount of effort or fabric could ever hope to hide Tee Tee’s DD’s.

There was nothing remarkable about the diner. It looked like a diner. It smelled like a diner. It sounded like a diner. What it didn’t have was an Open sign. DD’s was open when the lights were on and the door was unlocked; closed when they weren’t. Simple.
Harry liked simple.

The most interesting feature of the diner was the breakfast bar, which looked like a proper alcohol bar — except it served breakfast and was hosted by Tee Tee herself. Harry marvelled that the gravitational pull of Tee Tee’s DD’s hadn’t claimed a pancake yet.

What made the breakfast bar truly interesting was the same diner who always sat in the corner spot. Sometimes Harry wondered if the man had simply died there and no one had noticed. He was severely obese, sweated far more than could be healthy, and had an arse so large it threatened to envelop and engulf the stool he sat on.

Harry took a seat at the opposite end of the bar.

Tee Tee brought over a fresh cup of coffee and left him to it. She knew that even though Harry had flipped open a menu, he likely wasn’t ordering anything. She was right. Still, he liked to browse the specials.

• “The Blah Blah.” Ah, Buben’s signature egg dish. Buben had wanted to call it BBs, but Tee Tee refused — on the grounds that only her DDs were to be mentioned so brazenly. They compromised with Blah Blah.

• “Eggs Benedict.” A traditional dish, but made with artificial egg batter instead — a traitorous imitation.

• “Russian Toast.” That one was new to Harry. He furrowed his brow and read the description:

  A bold take on French Toast. Thick slices of bread, slapped with enough egg and cinnamon mixture to stiffen them further. It might not be cooked all the way through. At DD’s, if you don’t eat the Russian Toast, it might eat you.